The Adventures of Sky and Ivy: The End of Jenna, Queen of Brats
by thelonelyonlychild
Summary: Two fanfic authors, michasl and thelonelyonlychild, have come. They have a mission. To put an end to Jenna, and to wreak havoc in the Castle. Read if any of you wish for humor and no more Queen Jenna. Warning, possible OC pairings, a bit of OOC, and, let's be honest, this story is complete crack! :D
1. Chapter 1

**Hello, nice people who have clicked on this document in order to read it. Fellow author and I, michasl, are one of probably many who dislike the character Jenna in the Septimus Heap series, for various reasons, most of the time. We really don't think she deserves to live any longer. And so, we have decided to write a fanfiction where Queen Jenna goes bye bye. Permanantly. Enjoy! :D**

**(BTW, neither thelonelyonlychild nor michasl owns the Septimus Heap series, or any of its original places and characters.)**

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The Queen Jenna of the Castle was walking slowly along the line of stalls in the Market, observing the wares around her. She made sure to smile at every person who walked by her, determined to give some reason as to why everyone liked her. She knew they would like her anyways, but better to be safe than sorry.

As she began to turn the corner in order to proceed to the next row of stalls, she stopped in surprised amazement.

**The End.**

**Just kidding.**

The reason she froze in her tracks were the two girls, fading slowly into existence in the air in front of her.

Just as they became completely solid, the taller one frowned. "That was way too slow," she said. "Not enough drama. We need some pizazz. I need cameras, lights, sparkles, smoke! Let's try this again."

They faded out of existence again. Jenna was about to decide that she had eaten something strange and was seeing things, when a loud BANG shook the air.

Smoke exploded upward from the cobblestones, and glitter rained down. Small fireworks popped, and dramatic music was playing. At this point, everyone was staring.

The two girls were back, and in fabulous poses. Everyone waited while the smoke drifted lazily away from the girls, causing the crowd to cough, and for the fireworks to stop, and the music to end. At last, the two girls broke their stances.

"Much better," commented the tall one. The strangers were dressed oddly. The one who had spoken was wearing a long black dress and black cloak, and the shorter girl was wearing a long red dress with black lining. With a happy grin on her face, she reached behind her and pulled out a tall pointed hat, and placed it on her head.

As if noticing her for the first time, the shorter girl said cheerfully, "Oh, hello Queen Jenna, your Majesty."

Jenna, shocked (although relieved that her charm seemed to be working), said, "Who are you?"

"MANNERS!" shrieked the girl in black, drawing a long, shiny dagger from around her waist and brandishing it at Jenna. Jenna backed up in panic. Apparently her charm wasn't working on this one.

The girl in the hat put her hand on the other girl's arm. "Not yet. We must wait for the right moment." She tilted her head a little, the grin getting a little closer to scary.

The other girl sighed and put back her dagger.

"So... who are you?" asked Jenna again.

"Uh." The two girls glanced at each other with worried expressions on their faces. "We didn't think this far ahead," whispered the girl in the hat.

"Uhm... We'll just use the names from the forest," whispered back the taller girl. She stepped forward, addressing Jenna. "I'm Ivy, and this is Sky." She gestured to her companion.

"And we're here to k-" Sky was abruptly cut off as Ivy clapped her hand over her mouth.

"No we're not!" corrected Ivy. "We're just, uh, sightseeing."

"Okay..." Jenna raised her eyebrows, not sure if her charm was working or not.

"Anyway, we need to start our self-oriented tour!" said Ivy. "Off we go! Bye, your Royal Highness."

They turn, and Ivy pulled up a hood, her cloak swirling dramatically. Next to her, Sky tripped. "Ow!" She stands up. "I'm fine! Don't worry, anyone! Bye!"

The crowd murmured quietly about the spectacle they had just witnessed, and Jenna watched the two girls go with a worried feeling forming a knot in the pit of her stomach. She was glad that they were only tourists.

* * *

Nicko Heap was coiling ropes on the end of one of the docks by the moat. He finished coiling another long rope and saw that he only had two more to go. He enjoyed sitting by the water, the breeze whisking away the heat of the summer day, and blowing his sailor's braids.

He heard voices disturbing the quiet of the dock and looked behind him. Coming along the dock were two strange girls. One was wearing a black cloak over a black dress, and had her hood up. The other girl was slightly shorter, and was in a red and black dress and a pointed black hat. She was sort of skipping, staring at the wooden boards, and Nicko saw her short brown hair had vibrant red tips.

Suddenly, as he watched, the girl in black threw an arm out, stopping the other girl from going any farther. "Stop!" she cried. "It's rope!"

"Oh, don't worry, Ivy," said the other girl. She pushed past the girl's arm. "I'll be fine!" She kept walking.

"That's what you said last time!" protested Ivy. She went after her. "Remember when you almost-"

At that moment, the smaller girl pitched forward off the end of the dock, and fell face-first into the water.

"-choked yourself," finished Ivy with a sigh.

Nicko looked at the water where the girl had not surfaced. "Can she swim?"

"Huh?" Ivy looked at Nicko in surprise. "Oh, probably not. Even if she can, Sky's most likely distracted by any fish that are under there."

Nicko leaned over the edge of the dock and looked into the greenish-brown murk that was the Moat. He noticed that one of the ropes that he hadn't coiled yet had one end attached the dock, and the other end disappeared into the water. "Will you be getting her then?" he looked expectantly at Ivy, who was examining her nails.

"Nope."

With a sigh, and a worried glance, Nicko dove off the dock and into the water.

Following the line of the rope, Nicko swam deeper into the water, looking for the girl. At last, he spotted her.

She was upside-down.

Her left ankle must have gotten caught by the rope, because it was now attached, and was keeping her from sinking away. Her dress was thin, luckily, so it did not fall over her head. Her hair was waving around her face, and she seemed to be trying to swim lower in the water. Nicko saw the reason why.

It was a very, very large fish, with a gaping mouth, swimming lazily towards her. Nicko caught a glimpse of sharp teeth, and he immediately grabbed the part of the rope closest to him and started pulling the girl up. It was difficult, as the rope was thick, and she seemed to be resisting. Was she trying to _swim to the fish?_ Did she have a death wish? Nicko tried to pull faster. He had no desire to be blamed for the terrible death of a girl.

At last, he had pulled the girl to him. He grabbed her around the shoulders and swam up with her. With a gasp, he broke the surface of the water and moved towards the dock. Ivy reached down and pulled the girl up.

"Sky! You're alive!"

Sky just coughed and looked disappointed. "Fishy," she mumbled.

Nicko hauled himself up out of the water, dripping wet and exhausted from all the effort. "Your welcome," he said sarcastically.

Sky turned in surprise to him, and started to speak. "Do you want me t-" She stopped. Her cheeks became a dark pink and she stiffened.

"Are you alright?" Nicko asked. Sky continued to stare, not moving. Ivy glanced from Sky to Nicko, then back to Sky. Then an unholy gleam entered her eyes and she began to laugh. "What?" asked Nicko, worried.

"Nothing," choked out Ivy. "It's just- you're Nicko Heap, aren't you?"

"Uh, yes."

"Heheheh. Thought so."

"Right, er, is she ok?" Nicko looked down at the paralyzed Sky again.

"Not at all." Ivy smiled. "She's in shock. Someone will have to carry her."

"Oh." Nicko was uncomfortable. He felt that he should offer to carry Sky, but he didn't want to abandon his rope coiling to help strangers who dressed odd and didn't seem to care for their own well-being. He then noticed that Ivy was staring pointedly at him.

"Someone will have to _carry her_," she emphasized.

Nicko silently groaned and said, "I can help you."

"Wonderful! Let's go!" Ivy turned on her heel and started back along the dock.

Nicko looked down at the shocked Sky, and carefully picked her up. Her expression didn't change. Sighing, Nicko jogged a little in order to keep up with Ivy's brisk pace.

"By the way, I'm Ivy," called back the owner of the name. "And she's Sky."

_Well, duh,_ thought Nicko. But out loud, he said, "I'm Nicko."

"I know."

"So, uh, how far do I have to carry her?"

"Don't think 'have to,' think 'get to' carry her. And we are going to the Palace."

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**We hope you enjoyed this! We would be love some reviews, (be nice) and we will be writing another chapter soon!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2: Chapter 2**

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**Chapter two! Please enjoy! (Neither michasl nor thelonelyonlychild owns the Septimus Heap series. [This is the last disclaimer we will do for this story.])**

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Nicko was surprised to hear Ivy's answer. "Are you visiting royalty, or something?"

"Nope!" Ivy grinned back at him, popping the p.

"Then why are you going there?"

"Well, we need a place to stay, don't we?" Ivy stated this like it was obvious. "And what's more vacant than the Palace?"

Nicko decided not to answer this. He glanced down at Sky in his arms. She was still frozen in shock, staring up at him, cheeks stained pink. She had small, pointed features, and a dusting of light brown freckles across her nose and under her big brown eyes. She sort of reminded him of a mouse. A very cute mouse.

Wait, cute? _I don't even know her..._

They reached the gates of the Palace, and Ivy strolled through them, her gait confident. Reaching the huge doors, she pushed them ceremoniously open with a bang, and walked in like she owned the place. Her tall black leather boots clacked on the stone floor. She strode into the middle of the front room, stopped, then lifted her hands up and clapped loudly twice.

"Guest rooms!" she shouted, then froze expectantly, as if waiting for servants to come out of the walls and help her.

When Nicko reached Ivy, he was about to say something about her attitude, when Sky blinked twice, looked around her, then calmly rolled out of his arms and landed flat on the floor. There was a muffled "ow," and she lay still, her wet clothes creating pools all around her.

Before anyone could say anything else, Queen Jenna walked into the room. She froze, staring with raised eyebrows at the spectacle in front of her.

Her brother Nicko stood, in dripping wet clothes, his arms out a little, and his face pointed down, where an equally wet girl in a red dress lay on the floor. The girl from earlier, Ivy, was standing dramatically in front of them, her hands raised as if she had just clapped.

When Ivy saw Jenna standing there, she removed her hood, shaking loose her long brown and scarlet hair, and said, "Ah, Jenna- can I leave off your royal title? thanks- I'm so glad you passed by, the service here is terrible, you really need to train your staff better."

Jenna somehow found a way to speak, and she said, "What are you doing here?"

"Well, obviously we need a place to stay," Ivy said, rolling her blue eyes- wait, was she a witch?

There came a unintelligible mumble from where Sky was lying on the floor.

"What did I tell you about mumbling?" snapped Ivy.

"And we don't have any money," groaned Sky.

"Well, yes, that too," agreed Ivy.

Jenna's glance slid to Nicko's shocked face. "And why is Nicko here?"

"Oh, he saved Sky," said Ivy with a nonchalant wave of her hand. "No big deal really. Nicko isn't the first." She pronounced his name like nee-ko.

Jenna's eyebrows rose even further. "Ah." What she wanted to say was, ''No, leave, this is MY Palace,'' but Nicko was here and it would be bad if she did something that rude. It might counteract the charm's effects. "Well, of course you can stay here, we have plenty of room!"

Ivy lifted an eyebrow elegantly, "We were going to stay anyways..."

Jenna's smile became a little stiff. The girl on the floor lifted a hand slowly and placed it a little in front of her head on the floor. Then she dragged herself towards that point. Then she did it again. She was dragging herself across the floor, on her face. The contents of the room, excluding Ivy, watched in bemusement. The girl reached the foot of the stairs and lifted herself up to sit on them. When she noticed all the attention on herself, she lifted a hand and waved merrily. "Oh, dont mind me, the floor was a bit uncomfortable."

Ivy raised an eyebrow. "Im sure." She then turned back to Jenna. "So, we'll just go find ourselves a room, then." She faced Nicko. "Thanks for saving Sky, as small a feat as it was. Bye, everyone!" She flounced to the stairs.

Sky stood and wiggled her fingers at Jenna and Nicko. "Ta!"

After a minute of silence, upstairs, there was a muffled moan. "MY HAAAT! IT'S GOOOOONNNNE!"

"SHUT UP WE'LL GET YOU A NEW ONE!"

"IT WON'T BE THE SAAAAAAMMMME!"

"GOOD THAT HAT WAS HIDEOUS ANYWAYS!"

The cries faded away as Ivy and Sky walked further into the Palace. Jenna and Nicko exchanged glances.

"Well," Nicko commented. "I'm leaving, have fun dealing with those two."

"Wait, don't leave me here with them!" Jenna tried to stop her adopted brother from leaving.

"Sorry, Jen!" Nicko walked faster out the door. "You're on your own!"

Jenna sighed. She hated when her tools disobeyed her wishes.

* * *

Ivy opened up the fifteenth door they came to, sure that this would be the one that finally turned out to be an unoccupied room, not a closet or some other used space. Luckily, it was definitely not a closet, and was probably uninhabited.

The place was huge. The front room swept out, with a small sitting area with a couch and chairs on a carpet. Windows looked out onto a gorgeous view of the bustling Castle.

Sky ran towards the next room. "OH MY GAHD THIS BED IS HUGE-NORMOUS!" There was a thump as she presumably jumped onto said huge-normous bed.

Ivy followed Sky. The bed was covered with blue and bronze bed covers. Tassled pillows flopped to the floor as Sky leaped and rolled around. Ivy looked to the right and saw an equally large bed by the window. "DIBS!" she shouted, and ran to jump on that one.

"I hope you are finding the accommodations pleasing?" said a voice by the door. Ivy froze, (Sky continued rolling) and slid to the floor with a thump. Standing in the doorway was Queen Jenna, with a disdainful expression.

Ivy adopted her own disdainful expression, which was considerably more impressive than Jenna's. "This will do, I suppose," she sniffed.

Jenna scowled. "Just so you two idiots know, you are in _my _Palace in _my _Castle, and as long as you are here, you must obey and worship me as your Queen."

Ivy raised her eyebrows. "We're American," she said, at the same time that Sky said, "Idiots? Can _you_ solve this math problem?"

Jenna made an indignant sound. "Of course I can."

Sky then proceeded to rattle off a math problem. "7y-4, then in parentheses (3x-8) over 9 equals 7-2 over 3x. Solve for x."

Jenna froze. What the heck had she just said? What was she talking about?

After a moment, she stammered, "Uh-uhm, I don't need to answer to the likes of you."

The two girls glanced at each other. "I knew she couldn't do it," Sky said, shaking her head. "The answer is x equals 95-63y divided by -6. Obviously."

Jenna tried to hide her incredulity. How on earth did she solve that impossible problem?

Ivy smiled kindly at Jenna. "It's ok that you aren't as smart as we are," she said. "Don't worry, we won't laugh in front of you."

Jenna pursed her lips. "Well, have a nice stay," she spat, then whirled around, shutting the bedroom door behind her and leaving the room.

Behind her, she heard hysterical laughter.

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**We hoped you enjoyed that! Sorry if it's short. And btw, that math problem took forever to figure out, and we probs got it wrong anyway. If you want to do it, go ahead. We will update ASAP. In case anyone cares.**

**And, REVIEW**


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3: Chapter 3**

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**Hello! Here is chapter 3! We hope you enjoy it!**

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The next day, Ivy woke up to find herself nestled in a comfortable cocoon of soft, warm sheets and blankets, with the familiar scent of lavender tickling her nose.

_Ah, this is the life,_ she thought, stretching luxuriously and smiling, looking forward to a day of annoying people.

Sky woke up to find her face smashed into the floor, and her limbs tangled in a death trap of sheets and blankets, with a mattress that had to be weighed down with something pinning her to the cold floor.

_What the heck?_ she thought, annoyed. She attempted to disentangle herself from her bed sheets, but it was as if the Devil's own servants had come in the night and tied mischievous knots around her. _I give up._

Jenna woke to a freezing cold room, with too-bright light shining in her face, and an odd smell in the air. She wrinkled her nose and frowned. She sat up and yawned, then checked that her charm was in place before calling her servants to start a fire. While one maid was trying to coax a flame out, another maid was choosing different outfit options, which Jenna rejected.

_I must be the only one in this whole Castle with any kind of sense,_ Jenna thought as she told off her maids for losing her favorites clothes.

Nicko woke up with a relieved feeling and an excitement for the day.

_Thank god I don't have to deal with those two crazy girls, _he thought.

Beetle woke up with a sense of foreboding. Something was going to happen today, and he wasn't too sure that it would be a good something. He sighed and decided that he might as well get it over with. Maybe Foxy would blow something up, and that was it. Nothing serious. He might even see Jenna today.

_Hopefully. If she remembers me,_ he thought.

Septimus woke up to the sound of Marcia banging on the pots and pans in his doorway.

"Rise and shine, Septimus!" she said. "Time to get up!"

Septimus groaned and decided that today was not going to be a good day.

_Maybe someday I can satisfy myself with waking Marcia up like this,_ he thought.

Wolf Boy woke up early to find that the cottage was overrun with Marsh Brownies. He yelled in surprise and grabbed the broom off the wall. He swept a dozen Brownies out the door, only to find that there was a sea more.

_Well, this is just great. Now I have to clean everything before I leave for the Castle, _he thought as he pulled a Brownie off the wall.

Spit Fyre woke up to a glorious day. The sun was shining brilliantly in the clear blue sky, and he could already feel the perfect breezes for flying.

_Food_, he thought.

* * *

Ivy happily slid out of bed and went to the thick curtains. She pulled them open dramatically, reveling in the bright sunshine. She was startled by a yell behind her. She turned around to find a very annoyed, blinded face sticking out from under a pile of blankets, pillows, and a mattress.

Ivy grinned. "Whoops," she said.

Sky glared at her through squinted eyes. "Shut those, now," she growled.

Ivy smiled and left the curtains open, walking to the wardrobe. She threw open the doors and surveyed her choices. Beautiful dresses, colorful cloaks and jewels met her eyes. She grabbed a dress and stared at it. It was a nice style, but the colors... ick. She ran her fingers along the length of the dress, and the colors darkened and mixed into black. Ivy smiled, satisfied, and went to change.

Sky was left to yank herself out of her prison on the floor, and when she finally did, stared unhappily at her choices of clothes. Finally, she found a dress she liked, except the colors... who wants to wear bright pink all the time? Sky shuddered and glared at the dress, and the hideous pinks turned in on themselves, separating and coming back together to create a shimmering dark blue and bronze. She grinned, and went to change.

* * *

After taking one look at the mess of burnt food (the Palace cook was having an off day), Sky and Ivy (whose spirits were still high) decided to skip breakfast and go sightseeing.

"Where should we go first?" asked Ivy cheerfully.

Sky bounced up and down, her mood having swung up to equal Ivy's, and said, "Maybe we should go to the Manushcripshorium."

"Good idea!" Ivy looked around for a map. Sadly, the walls of the Palace were bare. Luckily, a very disgruntled Jenna was rounding the corner.

She stopped short in amazement. "So it was you two!" she cried.

"What?" Ivy and Sky looked down at their clothes. "You recognize these when they aren't all pink?" asked Ivy.

"Wait! So it was _you_ who was sleeping in that room!" exclaimed Sky. "I was wondering who it was. The breathing was so arrogant..."

Jenna looked indignant and opened her mouth to retort, but the screaming of the cook caught her attention and, with one last glare and sniff she marched away. Sky blinked once before grinning as an idea hit her.

"Ivy! We could ask Septimus!" she beamed. Without waiting for a reply she turned around and started to skip out the door, looking up briefly to find the tower that loomed over everything and positively reeked of magic.

* * *

Septimus yawned and waved blearily at whoever was currently standing pointlessly next to the door to the Wizard Tower, too exhausted to check who it was. The doors opened and he walked out into the courtyard, starting the day with some errands, when he was startled by a yell.

"SEEEEEPPTIIIIIMUUUUUUSSS!" There was a heavy thud around his middle, and he looked down to see a head of brown and crimson hair attached to someone who was hugging him very tightly.

"Sorry!" came another voice. Septimus looked up to see a tall girl, wearing a black dress and a swirling black cloak with brown and scarlet hair walking towards him. "She gets a little enthusiastic."

"A little?" Septimus tried to pry the girl off him. "Uh, excuse me, but could you get off me?"

The only response was for the arms to get tighter.

Septimus looked at the tall girl and frantically said, "I'm about to suffocate!"

The girl grabbed onto the other and yanked backwards. "Get off him, Sky!" she commanded. "Don't murder him!"

"Please don't kill me!" Septimus pleaded.

Finally, Sky let go and looked happily at Septimus, smiling like the sun. Septimus was a little unnerved, but decided that her cheerfulness made up for some of it. "Hi," she said.

"Hi?" he replied, nervously looking down at her wide-eyed gaze.

"Hi," she repeated.

Septimus took a step backwards.

The taller girl shook her head sadly and held out her hand to Septimus. "I'm Ivy, and you've obviously met Sky."

Septimus stared apprehensively at her hand, and carefully shook it. "I'm Septimus," he said.

"Oh, we know."

There was a silence.

"Sooo... what are you doing here?" Septimus asked, in order to break the ice.

"AH!" Sky interrupted, "Thats right, do you know where the manushcripshorium is? I'm afraid we can't see it," she continued, grinning.

He sighed, and sent a mental apology to Beetle. "Go straight then turn when you see that tree. After that, you will see a shimmery rock and you will have to continue past that for five steps before turning again. To one side of you, you will see the-" and here he paused and contorted his face. "-the manushcripshorium." He looked up to see that Ivy's eyebrows were up and her lips were pursed together in an expression of confusion and disbelief, and Sky was nodding with a serious look on her face.

"We will carry out your instructions to the letter," Sky said, then turned and marched out of the courtyard, Ivy following, saying something that sounded like, "Well, maybe not to the _letter_, but..."

Septimus watched them go, glad that he had sent the two weirdos on their way with clear directions. Confident that he wouldn't have to deal with them again, he headed down Wizard Way to complete Marcia's errands.

* * *

Although Sky was confident that Septimus' directions had been perfect, Ivy was less sure. He had never specified any turns or trees or step sizes or - you get the idea.

Ivy and Sky stopped at the first tree. "Maybe it's this one," suggested Ivy.

"No! That looks like an ugly bush," said Sky, and marched past. "It's probably that one!"

Ivy raised her eyebrows. "Or maybe it's that tree, or that one."

Sky looked around in horror. The walkway that they were standing on was lined with trees.

"Fabulous. Now what?" Ivy threw her hands into the air in exasperation.

"Uhh," Sky stammered. "Let's just try every tree?"

Ivy shook her head. "Sometimes I wonder about your logic..."

* * *

Wolf Boy was walking down a path in the Castle when he heard a girl say, "Maybe it was the wrong shimmery rock."

He slowed his pace. _Did Sep give directions again? _he wondered. _The last one was lost for a week._

"Maybe we should ask someone," another voice said.

"There's someone."

There was a tug on Wolf Boy's sleeve, and he looked over to see a smallish girl standing next to him. "Excuse me," she said. "Which tree leads to the manushcripshorium?"

"Did Septimus give directions again?" he asked her.

She nodded and blinked big brown eyes up at him.

Wolf Boy started to turn and point and say, "It's down there-" but he smacked into someone.

"Watch it!" a girl said.

"Sorry," Wolf Boy said. As he focused on her face, he saw glaring blue eyes and long brown hair with scarlet streaks. He immediately wished that he had checked his hair - had he neatened it before leaving? What if part of it was sticking up like a unicorn horn? Maybe she liked unicorns... _Focus, _he thought, and said "Whats your name?"

"Oh, she's Ivy and I'm Sky and together-" The smaller one started, but Ivy seemed to pale and started shaking her head, but Sky kept talking. "We make Skivy! The multi-dimensional, time traveling, fashion savvy, awesome sisters!" She finished with a flourish and a wink.

Ivy looked mortified. "Sorry," she said. "Uhm, which way to the Manuscriptorium again?"

Wolf Boy pointed in the right direction. "That way. You'll see some more shops by it. It has a sign."

"Thanks!" Ivy grabbed Sky's hand and seemed to race away.

Wolf Boy was suddenly jealous that Beetle would get to see Ivy.

* * *

**So, we hope you liked this chapter! By the way, we are planning on jealousy, a shopping trip, and more lost people in future chapters... :) Review!**


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